The Bedroom Cum Office

COHABITATION – Living From Work

In mid-March 2020, our beautiful bedroom and sanctuary became a dual-purpose zone. It was abruptly without my consent converted into a bedroom cum office. Promptly installed were an Apple laptop, dual 23-inch monitors, an office sound system, one extremely ugly leather chair and a camera that takes up its post proudly facing our king bed. This acquisition happened the day after management at the company my husband Liam* (not his real name) worked for requested the entire city staff cohort leave the building immediately due to a Covid-19 scare, they were all promptly marched out into the Autumn morning, bags on shoulders and if I am honest a spring in their step. Working from home at that time was not unheard of but was the exception, it was something we coveted but only allocated to the lucky few. My grandmother P used to say, "be careful of what you wish for", I believe she may have been right.

Ugg Boots at the Ready

Now I love my husband dearly; I repeat dearly, we are good together, great even depending on what magazine survey you measure our coupledom by.  We love and fight like your average couple, we get each other. But upon hearing this news I had questions. What? Why? No? Just NO! When? WHEN was the most important question, the one I needed answers to? “When will you be returning?”, I asked as he slipped into his ugg’s readying himself for a day in the bedroom cum office “no return date was given’’ he replied with delight and this is how he and I became work colleagues, coffee buddies and not just my husband but my work husband. I’ve had many of those throughout my career, work husbands that is, none however that turned up to work wearing a business shirt, shorts and ugg boots. Liam* had coined this getup ‘corporate comfort’. 

HR Appropriate

And so began our co-shared bedroom cum office journey. What used to take Liam* a 40-minute commute door to door would turn into a 12-step desk to the en-suite turnaround. To my horror the conference calls started early, unacceptable early, 5.00 am became my new roll call time.  Apparently, Zoom does NOT wait for the sleeping or sleep-ins, unless of course, I wanted Liams* boss and colleagues to see me curled up wearing only my underpants and scantly covered by my super soft indigo Sheridan doona cover. Though the Leadership Team may appreciate the addition to their Monday morning catch up or not, Liam* pointed out that it certainly wouldn’t be in line with corporates Human Resources Policies or company long term vision. I however thought that was cheeky of him to say considering it was they who had come into our bedroom without so much as a “good morning sunshine” and then promptly got to the business of taking up more real estate than my winter jackets did in my entire wardrobe.

Since the beginning of our bedroom cum office conversion I’ve had to acknowledge that I’ve somehow entered into a thruple, one I never agreed to but had to make concessions for.  I initially changed to suit the three of us in order to make our new 'relationship' work. I woke up early, was considerate and ensured there was no nudity during business hours, no sex toys or lubricants left accidentally on the bed, nightstand, or dresser.  I didn’t shower during business hours and even learnt to pee quietly, which I must say sounds easily done in all honesty isn’t and can actually lead to UTI’s who knew. My desire to make our thruple work was driven solely by my two nemesis the camera and speaker, I’d seen too many Zoom fails and didn’t want to be part of that exclusive club, my pride just would never allow it, nor would my insecurities.

Sex Toys in the Bedroom Cum Office

Now I can’t admit or deny there’s never been any near misses involving the aforementioned nemesis me, nudity, sex, sex toys (aka my favourite Jimmyjane vibrator or Fredericks of Hollywood couple set), a pair of silver ben wa balls, a whole lot of Intimate Earth Serum aka lube, one very comfortable king size bed and my co-worker Liam*.  I can’t really even say there may have been a relationship with a said colleague as according to HR it is definitely against company policy and since I signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement at the commencement of the thruple, I’m pretty much on a gag order and not the one some people may actually enjoy. To be clear, I’m unsure if I can even speak to my best friends about my co-worker Liam*, our new thruple or anything that happens within the bedroom cum office. But we both know I do, after all, there are only so many secrets a girl can keep, and hot bedroom cum office sex isn’t one of them.

The Long Term Agreement

I’ve come to accept that Liam* isn’t going back to the city office any time soon and that our bedroom is now a communal work zone shared amongst many. We both work diligently keep the bedroom cum office neat and tidy, and there seem to be some unspoken KPI’s between us. I for one believe I’m close to receiving my bonus...I wonder what that will be? 

Keeping with office etiquette there hasn’t been any guest appearances on camera by the likes of Jimmyjane,Lelo, Le Wand or Fredericks of Hollywood. There has however been one compliance breach of self-love involving a vagina, not mine and a tongue, not Liams*. Our little furbaby decided to sit front and centre during a governance meeting and worked on some self-care, she was promptly dismissed from the bedroom cum office without so much “you’re fired” and left to finish what she had started in what is now known as the breakout room.

As this living arrangement has now become a long-term agreement, we’ve all learnt to cohabitate peacefully. Within the thruple terms were renegotiated and agreed to. On weekends I now get to sleep in, out of business hours our pleasure and sex toys are what takes up that important real estate. It's a welcome choice of rabbit vibrators, cockrings, the odd blindfold and a ben wa ball or three.  Orgasms are wanted, desired, passionately given and most eagerly accepted.  I’ve acknowledged my nemesis aren’t going anywhere any time soon, so I’ve become a master of pretence, my superpower is the ability to block them out.

The bedroom cum office has hosted 1-1 meetings, team conference calls, resignation discussions and the odd townhall.  It has been the stage for Liam* and me, for our lives both in and out of business hours. Present throughout these meetings tucked safely within my nightstand draw were our sex toys, they’ve been in attendance at every meeting, they’ve essentially partaken in important company decisions and discussions for the last 248 days. It makes sense to me that they're present and participate, be it silently in the thruple.  In my view, they're the VIP’s in our bedroom which essentially means I've appointed them Executive Management status in the Bedroom Cum Office.

Ophelia xx